dream
At a house, lots of people, gathered for my younger step-sister's wedding.
My cats were there, but were kittens. (Past cats and dogs are in many of my dreams)Many strangers there, kids and adults. Met a guy that I liked. There was lots of conversations going on, I felt comfortable and on the same level as everyone around me. (hasn't always been so in past dream like this one) Some of the people went swimming and I decided to go to because I thought it would be a good way to get closer to the cute guy.
Time to get ready for the wedding. Decided I wanted to wear make-up because of the cute guy. Couldn't get the make-up right. Asked my step-mom how it looked and she told me it wasn't right, she tried to help me fix the foundation, but it just couldn't be fixed. She couldn't help anymore because she had to go, she was mother of the bride, but she tried to help. I continued to try putting on different makeup that wasn't working. I knew I was only making it worse, my skin was all red from cleaning up the wrong make-up and I was still trying on new-make up. And knew I should have gone as I normally do, without make-up. And then I woke up.
Side-note--- I have had many recurring dreams featuring my step-mom and some fancy family affair. Sometimes it's my younger step-sister's wedding and sometimes it's a big family dinner. It's always swanky fancy, not our average run of the meal family gatherings that we normally have. In the past dreams, my step-mom was down right cruel to me and I was always yelling back, trying to defend myself, but was always just beat up and made to feel I was worthless. I couldn't wait for the dream to end because they were awful.
After some of the meditations and healing work I've been doing, I went to my family's for Easter and did not have the "evil" step-mom dream prior to going out there and I always had it in the past before going to any family events.
I have not been there for Mother's Day for the past 3 years after a bad experience with my step-mom when I was at a very dark place in my life. I decided I would go this year. I was ready. I was so tired and grumpy yesterday for no reason and then tired today. The family gatherings in the past have always drained me and I'll sleep for a day or two after them. (though I didn't this last visit at Easter) Then today I just decided to nap because I was so tired and that's when I had this dream.
The dream told me she was doing the best should could to help me. But she had other people that needed her (being mother of the bride, she did need to go be with her daughter!). I still have not been able to forgive her for the things she said to me at my darkest time, but maybe the forgiveness will be coming soon. Even if you've got others to tend to, there's no need to speak so cruelly to people. And at that time, I was in too dark of a place to handle that kind of cruelty and I was unable to stand up for myself at that time as well.
The dream has changed and I'm taking a big risk going on Mother's Day. A day that has meant nothing but pain and hurt to me. There's still my real mother that hasn't spoken to me since I was 17, but she has appearred in some dreams over the past few years as a person of more acceptance than she is in real life.
I had originally planned to celebrate Mother Earth this year for Mother's Day until when I was driving to my family's for Easter, when I decided it was time to go this year to the family Mother's Day celebration. Did I really think it would be that easy? At the time I made the decision to go, yes. But with pain there can be healing. And with healing, a lot of pain. Especially wounds that cut this deep.
I'm still going. I am going to walk through this and hopefully come out the other side with a less heavy heart.
My cats were there, but were kittens. (Past cats and dogs are in many of my dreams)Many strangers there, kids and adults. Met a guy that I liked. There was lots of conversations going on, I felt comfortable and on the same level as everyone around me. (hasn't always been so in past dream like this one) Some of the people went swimming and I decided to go to because I thought it would be a good way to get closer to the cute guy.
Time to get ready for the wedding. Decided I wanted to wear make-up because of the cute guy. Couldn't get the make-up right. Asked my step-mom how it looked and she told me it wasn't right, she tried to help me fix the foundation, but it just couldn't be fixed. She couldn't help anymore because she had to go, she was mother of the bride, but she tried to help. I continued to try putting on different makeup that wasn't working. I knew I was only making it worse, my skin was all red from cleaning up the wrong make-up and I was still trying on new-make up. And knew I should have gone as I normally do, without make-up. And then I woke up.
Side-note--- I have had many recurring dreams featuring my step-mom and some fancy family affair. Sometimes it's my younger step-sister's wedding and sometimes it's a big family dinner. It's always swanky fancy, not our average run of the meal family gatherings that we normally have. In the past dreams, my step-mom was down right cruel to me and I was always yelling back, trying to defend myself, but was always just beat up and made to feel I was worthless. I couldn't wait for the dream to end because they were awful.
After some of the meditations and healing work I've been doing, I went to my family's for Easter and did not have the "evil" step-mom dream prior to going out there and I always had it in the past before going to any family events.
I have not been there for Mother's Day for the past 3 years after a bad experience with my step-mom when I was at a very dark place in my life. I decided I would go this year. I was ready. I was so tired and grumpy yesterday for no reason and then tired today. The family gatherings in the past have always drained me and I'll sleep for a day or two after them. (though I didn't this last visit at Easter) Then today I just decided to nap because I was so tired and that's when I had this dream.
The dream told me she was doing the best should could to help me. But she had other people that needed her (being mother of the bride, she did need to go be with her daughter!). I still have not been able to forgive her for the things she said to me at my darkest time, but maybe the forgiveness will be coming soon. Even if you've got others to tend to, there's no need to speak so cruelly to people. And at that time, I was in too dark of a place to handle that kind of cruelty and I was unable to stand up for myself at that time as well.
The dream has changed and I'm taking a big risk going on Mother's Day. A day that has meant nothing but pain and hurt to me. There's still my real mother that hasn't spoken to me since I was 17, but she has appearred in some dreams over the past few years as a person of more acceptance than she is in real life.
I had originally planned to celebrate Mother Earth this year for Mother's Day until when I was driving to my family's for Easter, when I decided it was time to go this year to the family Mother's Day celebration. Did I really think it would be that easy? At the time I made the decision to go, yes. But with pain there can be healing. And with healing, a lot of pain. Especially wounds that cut this deep.
I'm still going. I am going to walk through this and hopefully come out the other side with a less heavy heart.
posted by Cassandra at
5/06/2011 03:35:00 PM
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